


The Truth Hurts

by lucid_dreams11037



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Sexual Content, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Saihara Shuichi-centric, Self-Harm, Sexuality Crisis, Suicide Attempt, Ultimate Talent Development Plan (Dangan Ronpa)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucid_dreams11037/pseuds/lucid_dreams11037
Summary: Shuichi is struggling, but at least he has a solid support system. Kokichi doesn't.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Saihara Shuichi, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	1. Rooftop

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: There will be a suicide attempt in this chapter as well as references to self harm. There isn't anything graphic, but if you are easily triggered by these things then you should be safe and skip this chapter. This chapter is important but it you technically don't have to read it to follow the rest of the story.

Shuichi worked at the lock with shaky hands, and let out an agitated groan at his failed attempts to open the stubborn door. Last week, upon his request, Kokichi had shown him how to pick locks. However, it was a lot harder than it looked. Kokichi smiled deviously as Shuichi stuttered out an excuse as to why he wanted to learn, but he knew Kokichi could see through his lie. The mischievous leader surprisingly didn't pry and just showed him how to do it. He even let him practice on his door, and Shuichi successfully unlocked it with a triumphant smile. But now he was just too nervous to get it right. 

He dropped his hands to his side for a moment, feeling defeated. This feeling of doing something he knew was wrong...it was both exhilarating and terrifying. Shuichi wasn't used to breaking the rules, but he was desperate now.

He turned his head and listened for somebody coming up the stairs, but all he heard were the distant students shuffling through the hallways, and their loud but indistinct chatter. 

He sighed, took a deep breath, and tried again. Finally, he heard a click, and his trembling hand pulled the door open. He crouched there for a moment, deliberating over what he was about to do. This was incredibly stupid and selfish. He knew that. It's not like him to be so impulsive and irrational. But despite his attempts to reason with himself, he still couldn't shake the feeling that this was the only way. A loud crash in the hall snapped him out of his thoughts, and he quickly stepped through the door, making sure to close it quietly.

Well. Here he was. He anxiously adjusted his hat, and slowly made his way towards the center of the roof. School was over now, so pretty soon the only people around would be those who were in clubs. Shuichi was always too shy to join any clubs. It's not like he was particularly good at anything other than solving mysteries anyways, but now he was starting to regret not enjoying his senior year more. 

He sat on the ground and took his phone out of his pocket. He should text Kaede right now, tell her where he is. He unlocked his phone and opened his messaging app. One missed message from Kaede. He had been too zoned out all day to remember to check his phone and now Kaede is probably worried that he hasn't responded. He tapped on her name.

Kaede: Hey, don't forget that I love you and you're super awesome and smart and handsome!!! Also you better remember to eat lunch since today I can't be there to force you! I'll see you after school!

Despite his current mood, he couldn't help but smile at Kaede's cheesiness. She was always complimenting him and reminding him to take care of himself. They had only started dating four months ago, but by now it seems like she's already gone full girlfriend mode. Not that he minded. At first it was pretty awkward going from being best friends to dating, but now they've finally started to overcome that awkwardness. The other day Kaede worked up the courage to call him "honey", which caused both of their faces to turn bright red. She then asked him to call her "sweetheart" in return. He always blushes when he says it though, which never fails to elicit a giggle from her.

Shuichi suddenly realised that he was caught up thinking of Kaede and refocused. He needed her right now. All he has to do is text her back. He hesitantly hovered over the keyboard, trying to work up the courage to reach out. After a moment he sighed and slipped his phone back into his pocket. 

He knows she cares about him, and she'd want to help him through this. She always does so much for him, even though he doesn't give much back. He felt tears start to well up in his eyes as he gazed up at the sky.

He can't tell her anything, because like always, he's just too damn scared. Scared of what she'll think of him, of disappointing her. He's willing to hurt everyone that cares about him just to escape his fears. She deserves someone better than that. She deserves someone who's selfless, brave, and confident. Someone who's all the things that he's not. 

Don't do this. Said the rational voice in his head. But that voice was distant and quiet now.

He stood up and walked over to the railing. Hope's peak is a really tall building, isn't it? A fall from this height would definitely kill him.

He tightly gripped the railing as his breathing grew shakier. He was terrified, but at the same time relieved at the thought that this can finally be over.

Just be brave, for once in your life Shuichi. He thought to himself.

He felt tears rolling down his face now. He knows he's worthless. That he can't do anything right no matter how hard he tries. He’ll never accomplish anything. He’ll never help anybody. Every time he reveals a truth, it’s not a pleasant one. People get hurt. He's a fake. Everything about him is fake. All he does is lie and pretend. He has no reason to live. He's just a burden on everyone, so even if people do miss him a little, they're better off without him anyways.

Why is this so hard? Why is he so weak? Why can't he just jump already and end his pathetic existence?

He felt anger building up in his chest now, and he gripped the railing with enough force to hurt his hands. He swung one leg over the side, then the other. He stared down at the distant concrete, and felt a new surge of fear.

Okay. We're almost there. The second step is done. I can do this. I just have to...let go now. Just let go. Let go Shuichi. This will all be over if you just le-

The stairwell door swung open and Shuichi quickly turned his head, looking like a dog who had just been caught chewing the furniture.

"Sh-shit Shuichi!"

Kokichi stood there with an uncharacteristic shocked expression. Shuichi didn't acknowledge him, and turned back to face the drop in front of him. Of course Kokichi of all people showed up. 

"H-hey, what the hell are you doing?!" Kokichi asked frantically. 

He tried to hold back quiet sobs as he gripped the railing behind him, but that just caused him to make pathetic squeaking noises. 

"Whoa whoa whoa! I-uh, p-please don't jump man! I'm just here t-to talk, okay? I won't go over there, let's just talk."

Kokichi sounded genuinely concerned. It's interesting how different he is when he's taken completely off guard.

"Just go Kokichi. I have t-to do this. There's no point talking to you. You w-won't get it." Shuichi mumbled weakly.

Kokichi put his hands on his hips. "Bold of you to assume that I won't 'get it' Shuichi. A lot of people go through sucky shit. Last I checked, you didn't have a monopoly on mental illness."

There was an awkward silence filled only by Shuichi's quiet crying as he shifted his hands on the railing.

"Alright, look," Kokichi began, "How about, you just tell me what led you here. To this moment. You can be as brief or as lengthy as you want to. Preferably brief, but seeing as you're the guy about to kill himself, you have the stage."

Kokichi was trying to be his usual sassy self, but Shuichi could still hear a slight shake in his voice.

Shuichi sighed, sniffled, and took a moment to collect his thoughts.

"I-I just.. I don’t even know. My life is...fine. I do well in school, I’m dating an amazing girl. I just, I don’t know. I just h-hate myself I guess.”

His voice broke towards the end as a new wave of sobs hit him. He thought he heard Kokichi stepping closer, but he was too scared to turn around and face him.

“I-I can’t do anything right. I’m just a- a stupid pathetic freak, and a c-coward...”

“Shuichi, listen to me. I know I fuck with you a lot, but…that’s just because I like you, okay? When I really like somebody I annoy the shit out of them. What I’m trying to say is, ugh, we’re friends, and I would be really pissed if you jumped off this roof." 

Shuichi stayed silent.

"And let’s not forget about Kaede either! Do you have any idea how devastated she would be if you took your life? She would blame herself, Shuichi! She loves you, more than anything. It’s pretty gross actually, how much she talks about you. I’m not lying! Now would you stop being an idiot, and get away from there before you fall!”

Kokichi was definitely a lot closer now. Shuichi turned around with an animalistic expression on his face.

“Get the hell away from me!”

His outburst startled Kokichi, and he fell backwards, hitting his head on the ground.

“ACK-”

Kokichi let out a cry and started to hold his head in pain.

Shuichi held out his arm and started to panic. “I- oh god Kokichi! are you okay?”

“Ah-I th-think, gonna…pass out…”

Kokichi’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he went limp.

“...Kokichi?”

Shuichi felt panic building up in his chest, and was about to abandon the ledge, but then he suddenly remembered who he was talking to.

“...I know you’re faking Kokichi. Your lies don’t work on me, remember?”

Kokichi said nothing.

“I’m not stepping away from the ledge, so you can l-lay there all day if you want.”

Kokichi sat up with a groan.

“Well, it was worth a try. You know me so well Shuichi. That didn’t even hurt at all. Okay that was a lie, it hurt a lot, but I don’t think I’m concussed at least.”

“...Sorry...” Shuichi muttered, nearly inaudibly. 

He glanced back at Kokichi and saw him typing on his phone.

“What are you doing?” Shuichi asked warily.

“Texting my evil organization. It seems that I’m gonna be here awhile.”

Shuichi had stopped crying for now, and he was overtaken by a numb, empty feeling. He was just so tired. 

He leaned forward a bit, but Kokichi immediately noticed.

“H-Hey, don’t kill yourself yet! I’m still talking to you. You have all day to kill yourself, and if you’re gonna die anyways, might as well have one last talk with your old pal, right?”

Shuichi didn’t respond and continued to look at the distant field below him. He was on the roof facing the back of the school, which was where the various sports fields were located. That's when he noticed a guy in a baseball uniform pointing at him and seemingly shouting at his teammates. Oh god, people were staring at him.

“Ah j-jeez…” 

Kokichi looked up from his phone.

“What?”

“The baseball team saw me. They’re probably gonna call the police or something. I wonder what will happen to me if they show up...” Shuichi mumbled.

Kokichi answered, trying not to let his concern seep into his words.

“A police officer is gonna come up here, probably with a teacher or something. Then they’ll tie you up and drag you to the madhouse! Just kidding, the cop will just handcuff you and take you to the hospital in their sick police car. Then a bunch of nurses and doctors will ask you a ton of questions. They keep asking the same ones too to see if you change your answer or something, I guess. After they’re done assessing how crazy you are, they’ll decide how long they should keep you there, and will call your uncle or whatever about treatment options. That’s just my experience anyways.”

Shuichi looked back at Kokichi in curriousity. “What do you mean Koikichi?”

“I told you that you’re not the only one who goes through shit, Saihara. I’m better now, so you don't have to cry over me. I didn’t want to admit at the time that I was struggling, but when I did, things got better. So now I only think about killing myself once a week instead of every day!"

Shuichi briefly made eye contact with the supreme leader. He wasn’t lying.

“Im sorry Kokichi, I didn’t know that.”

“Duh, because I didn't want you to know dummy. But I’m trying to relate to you or something so you don’t take a swan dive into the concrete. I’ll try any strategy at this point. Also stop apologizing for dumb shit. If you're gonna apologize, you should be apologizing for stressing me the fuck out with your suicidal idiocy.”

“..I’m sorry.”

“Shut up.”

Once again there was an awkward silence between them.

“Have you ever…hurt yourself?”

Kokichi’s eyes briefly widened.

“Uh.. like… cutting, or something?"

"...Yeah."

"Tried it once. Didn’t like it. It just hurt. Have you?” Kokichi asked awkwardly. 

“Yeah.”

Kokichi stood up with his arms crossed.

“How often?”

“At least once a-a day. Sometimes twice. Sometimes three times.”

“...When did that start?”

“A c-couple months ago. It helps me feel better when I’m having an anxiety attack. I-I don't even know why I did it. It just happened."

“Does anyone else know?”

“What do you think?” Shuichi asked gloomily.

Kokichi took a second to process this information.

“That sucks. Is that part of the reason why you’re here?” Kokichi asked softly.

"I hate having to hide it. I h-hate that I can’t stop. God, I'm such a pathetic freak.” Shuichi trailed off towards the end of his sentence, and leaned forward. He could feel his tears spilling out again.

Kokichi pulled at his hair in frustration and started to pace anxiously. 

“Hey, stop that! You're not a freak Shuichi, you're just dealing with some shit, and that's okay! But you are seriously freaking me out right now! Just come over here, sit down with me, and I’ll let you vent as long as you need, okay? But you have to get away from there, right now!" Kokichi ordered desperately. 

“No.” Shuichi stated darkly.

“Why not?” Kokichi demanded.

“...I can’t.”

He gripped the railing tightly, focusing on the sensation of hot tears streaming down his cheeks, which was contradicted by the cold wind in his face. He couldn’t hold this back anymore. He was filled with an intense urge to jump, but he was still too scared. He couldn't quiet his crying any longer, and his shoulders became wracked by his ugly sobs. That's when he heard sniffling behind him.

“P-please get down from there Shuichi! Please don’t go. You’re the only person who tries to understand me. In fact, you’re my favorite person! My best friend! Y-you’re amazing. You’re s-so incredibly smart, and caring, and selfless, a-and you’re just a cool guy! Everybody loves you! Kaede, Maki, and Kaito, they all love you, ya’ stupid idiot! I love you, you dumb stupid emo idiot! So get down from there right now before you really start to piss me off!” Kokichi blubbered.

They both stood there and cried for what felt like an eternity. However, their crying session was interrupted as the stairwell door swung open, full force. Shuichi turned his head and immediately spun back to avoid looking at the group. Shame and embarrassment crept up on him as he continued to cry. Kaito and Maki ran to the center of the roof, slightly out of breath.

“I can’t do anything, I’m so fucking useless!” Kokichi screamed as he collapsed onto the ground.

“It's okay, you did the right thing by telling us.” Maki knelt down beside him and pulled him into a half hug.

“H-hey Shuichi. We all came. Kokichi told us you needed help.” Kaito said shakily behind him. “We’re here for you buddy, so how about you come over here, we pull you into the most epic group hug in the universe, and we can talk this out.”

Maki stood up with a nervous frown on her face, leaving Kokichi sniffling on the ground. 

"Shuichi, you've always tried so hard to get to know me, and listened to my stories without judgement. I was cold to you at first, but you and Kaito both wanted to be friends with me despite that. I will always be grateful for how much you've helped me. Without you two I'd still be that weird girl with no friends. Sorry, I’m bad at this, but I want to be here for you too. You and Kaito both helped me overcome my demons, so it's only fair if I do the same for you."

Kaito jumped in, now holding back tears. "Yeah, what the hell are we supposed to do without our training buddy? If something's bothering you, it's okay to be upset about it! But if you don't tell us anything then we can't do a damn thing to help you! That's what we're here for Shuichi, we support each other, we're a team! But you always push us away even though we're right here, and it really pisses me off! Just step away from there already and let us help you through whatever's making you feel like this!"

Shuichi remained silent, aside from his weeping, and refused to look at his friends. They want to help him. They care about him. So why can he still not bring himself to say something?

"Come on buddy, please talk to us. Help us understand what's going on in that head of yours right now."

Shuiichi shakily pulled his hat down over his eyes. "Just go away." Shuichi choked out.

"Not gonna happen buddy. We're not just gonna abandon you when you need us."

Shuichi wiped tears from his face and tried to get a hold of himself, but his crying only intensified.

Kaito stepped forward.

"Get away from me!" Shuichi sobbed. "Take one more step and I'll jump!"

Kaito came to a halt and threw his hands up.

"Okay, okay I'll just stand right here, don't panic." The astronaut struggled to keep a steady voice. He looked to Maki in panic, but she and Kokichi only returned the look.

That’s when the sound of a door slamming shut cut through the silence once more.

“Oh god, Shuichi! I’m so sorry, I came as fast as I could!”

Shuichi stiffened at the sound of Kaede's voice.

Oh god not her. Anyone but her. She was never supposed to see me like this.

“Look at me Shuichi.”

Shuichi shook his head and let out a pained whimper. 

"Please hon, I just want to say something to you." Kaede's voice shook.

Shuichi reluctantly turned to face her, tears and snot streaming down his face. 

“Pull your hat up, Shuichi. I want to get a good look at those eyes.” Kaede said softly.

He didn't want to, but he caved and lifted his hat up. They finally made eye contact. 

Her pink eyes were swimming with tears, and Shuichi noticed that she was trembling.

“I’m so sorry Shuichi,” she began as she slowly started to approach him, ”You’ve been hurting a lot, and I suspected that something was wrong, but I just didn’t know how to talk to you about it. You always brush things off and say you’re fine, but I see now that you’re very much not. I’m telling you right now, that’s not gonna fly with me! When you’re in a relationship you have to open up. Relationships can't always be fun, because that's not how life works. Relationships are never perfect. I know that I can't just magically fix everything wrong with your life, no matter how much I want to, but that doesn't mean that I can't be there to help get you through things. I promise you, that if you come down from there, I’ll accept and support you one hundred percent! We all will! You don’t have to pretend to be happy if you're not for our sake. It's okay to struggle, but you can't keep those struggles hidden or they'll eat you up." She took a deep breath. "I won’t hide from you, so please don’t hide from me. No more pretending Shuichi.”

Despite having tears in his eyes, Kaito still looked at Shuichi with fiery passion. “Kaede’s right! We wanna support you one hundred percent! So don’t you dare go dying on me now, I'm nothing without my cool sidekick!”

“See you idiot! I told you everybody cared about you! I know I lie a lot, but I’m being entirely serious for the first time in my whole life, and I’d never do that for anybody other than your stupid ass!” Kokichi yelled as he stood up.

Shuichi looked into Kaede’s pleading eyes again.

His stupid, selfish actions made Kaede cry. He knows everyone loves him, and he loves them, but that’s exactly why he can’t take bringing them down anymore. He’s always been the person in the group needing the most support. He really is just a burden to everybody.

“I-I’m so s-sorry everyone!” Shuichi blurted out.

He turned away from Kaede leaned forward, and loosened his grip on the railing. Kaede’s face contorted into pure terror.

“NO!” Kaede yelled, as she lunged forward and pulled him back by his arms. 

“LET GO OF ME!” Shuichi screamed hoarsely. 

Everyone ran over and grabbed onto Shuichi.

“We got you buddy!” Kaito shouted as they struggled to pull Shuichi over the railing.

Shuichi screamed and cried, elbowed and kicked. It was frightening how different he was from his usual quiet self. 

Eventually the group managed to safely pull him over, and they all fell to the ground, but nobody loosened their grip as he continued to bawl and feebly struggle against them. 

“It’s okay Shuichi, you’re safe now, we got you.” Kaede whispered breathlessly to him.

“Calm down buddy, everything is gonna be okay, I promise.” Kaito said with a trembling lower lip.

Kaede smiled sadly as she took off Shuichi’s hat, placing it on her own head, and gently stroked his hair. Shuichi’s body relaxed a little and closed his eyes, but continued to sob hysterically.

“Shuichi, you can go on and cry as long as you need, we’ll be right here.” 

She pulled him closer and everyone else hesitantly let go of him. Shuichi was completely limp in her arms at first, but after his breathing calmed down a little, he turned and embraced her back, crying into her shoulder.

“I’m so, so sorry Kaede,” Shuichi said weakly. “I want to die so bad.” His voice broke.

“Shuichi...” Kaito whispered sadly. “That’s why we need to get you help, okay? These scary thoughts that you're having, they’re not what you really want. I promise that you'll see that once you talk to somebody.”

Kaede squeezed him lightly and nuzzled her face into his neck. Then she suddenly perked up. She swung her backpack around, and began to rummage through it. Shuichi gave her an inquisitive look but was soon met with a tissue packet in his face. 

“Here, I always carry tissues around in my backpack. No offense, but you have a lot of snot on your face right now.” Kaede smiled feebly. 

Shuichi carefully grabbed the packet and pulled out a bundle of tissues. After grossly blowing his nose, Kaede held out her backpack to him. 

“Ew Kaede, isn’t carrying around dirty tissues unsanitary?” Shuichi chuckled weakly. 

“I don’t have anything important in here right now, and I can always clean it later, so don’t worry about it! Oh yeah, if anybody else needs tissues you can pass this around, and my backpack may serve as a temporary trash can."

Kokichi walked over and cleaned up as well, while the others stood around awkwardly. 

“So uh…what now?” Kaito asked, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Call an ambulance.” Maki answered curtly.

Shuichi stiffened in Kaede’s grip.

“N-no ambulance! I-I can’t go to the hospital, I can’t.” Shuichi stammered in a panic as he jumped back from Kaede.

Kaede quickly grabbed Shuichi’s shoulders.

“Just breathe Shuichi, I know this is really scary, but you need this. You’re a danger to yourself, and the people at the hospital are going to help you!”

“B-but ambulances are so expensive, a-and my uncle will be upset, a-and they’re gonna lock me up away from everyone-”

“What’s going on here? Is everyone okay?” A winded yet familiar voice asked.

Everyone looked to the doorway with the same panicked expression, and were met with Headmaster Jin Kirigiri.

He was expressionless as he assessed the situation in front of him. Five crying teenagers on a supposedly locked roof is not good.

Nobody said a word as they all stared at him. Even Kokichi was speechless. Jin's eyebrows furrowed in concern and he cleared his throat.

“I was told by another student that he thought he saw somebody on the roof about to jump. Is that what’s going on here?"

The ultimates continued to stare at him. Jin sighed and put on a comforting smile. 

"Listen, I know that to you guys I’m the big scary principal, but I’m just here to make sure everybody is safe, not to get anyone in trouble. Does anybody need help?” He looked at the group expectantly. 

Shuichi looked to Kaede, who nodded encouragingly at him. After a brief moment of trying to work up his courage, Shuichi stood up and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Uh, well you see, we were just...” Kokichi attempted to make up an excuse, but it wasn’t needed.

“It was me.” Shuichi murmured while looking at the ground. 

The headmaster looked at him with a concerned smile and approached him, making sure to kneel down to his level. It was impossible to not make uncomfortable eye contact with him now. 

“So you came up here to jump? But your friends talked you out of it?”

“Uhh, m-more like, physically dragging me away from t-the edge.”

Everyone glanced at each other nervously, but then returned to staring awkwardly at the principal.

“Okay…I promise that you’re not in any trouble. You’re Shuichi Saihara, the Ultimate Detective, correct?”

Shuichi's face turned red.

“Y-yeah. That’s m-me.”

“Right, I’ve heard good things about you and your abilities as a detective. I think the world is a much safer place with you in it, Mr. Saihara. Now, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me to my office, and I’ll call your uncle to come pick you up and take you to the hospital. Is that okay?”

Shuichi looked back at his friends for reassurance. They all smiled at him, and Kaito gave him a double thumbs up. 

“Okay.”


	2. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi is finally back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some mild sexual content at some point. It's brief, and it's only making out. Personally, writing stuff like that makes me very uncomfortable, but if it's important to the story then it's gotta happen.

It was Friday night. Kaede, Shuichi and Kaito sat on the couch in Kaede's living room, with the only light source being the flashing TV screen in front of them.

"Hey! Why are you guys always so mean to me in this game!" Kaito leaned forward with an intense expression on his face, trying desperately to get back onto the road, but yet again was hit by a red turtle shell. 

"Whyyyyyyyyyyy?" 

Kaito slumped back into the couch with a defeated expression. 

"Imagine being in 10th place." Kaede teased with a smirk on her face.

Shuichi chuckled. "You're not usually this bad Kaito, any particular reason why you're off your game today?" Shuichi looked over at the astronaut as he crossed the finish line in third place. 

"I dunno man… I guess I've just got a lot on my mind."

Now Kaede was looking over too, slightly concerned.

"What's up Kaito? You can tell us anything."

Kaito gave them both a weird look but quickly averted his gaze.

"Eh, It's nothin'." 

"Come on Kaito, remember when you told me to open up more? I thought we promised to tell each other everything from now on." Shuichi placed his controller down, looking concerned.

"Ugh fine, if you're gonna pull that card, then I'll tell you. It's no big deal, really. I just, I dunno, think I like Maki." He blushed furiously as he mumbled the last part of that sentence.

"Awwww Kaito, I knew it!" Kaede clasped her hands together and smiled brightly.   
"You two would be the perfect couple. You should totally ask her out!" 

Kaito stared gloomily at his hands. "I don't really wanna ask her out because we've been good friends for awhile now, and I don't want to lose that, you know? If she says no or gets weirded out, then our friendship is basically ruined."

Shuichi and Kaede exchanged a quick look.

"You know, there's a good chance she likes you back." Kaede began. "I mean, you see how protective she is of you, right? To be honest I've kind of shipped you two for awhile now and I'm kinda surprised that neither of you confessed yet."

"Yeah, it's actually pretty obvious that she likes you. You don't really have to be a detective to figure that out." Shuichi chuckled.

Kaito shot up from the couch. "R-really? You really think she likes me back?" He exclaimed excitedly.

Shuichi and Kaede nodded in unison.

Kaito dropped onto the couch, slouching back with a smile on his face. “Huh, maybe I will ask her out. It’s a good thing she left early, otherwise I never would've had this talk with you guys! Oh, but uh, sorry to make things about me when it's your welcome home party Shuichi. There’s just been this super weird tension between me and Maki since you’ve been gone and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

Shuichi smiled at him. "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm really glad we can just talk about normal stuff. I was really worried that things would be awkward, but everyone has been so kind to me today. I'm really grateful that I have you guys. I really wasn’t expecting you to throw a party just for me. I honestly don’t know how to make it up to you.” He looked down at his lap, a slight blush on his face.

“Aw Shuichi, you are just too adorable.” Kaede said as she shuffled closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Shuichi blushed more at this. “You know how you can make it up to me?” She asked. Shuichi stared at her dumbly. Kaede smiled bashfully. 

“I’ll accept the payment of one smooch. On the lips. Then we’ll be even.”

Shuichi felt his face go hot, and Kaito groaned.

“You know what, I think I’m gonna head out before I see something I really don’t want to see.” Kaito said as he stood up and stretched. 

“I-I uhhh, th-thanks for coming Kaito. I had a lot of fun today. I really missed you while I was...away.” Shuichi smiled at Kaito shyly.

Kaito returned the smile. "I missed you too buddy. Now you're gonna have to do extra training to make up for all the time you missed!" 

Shuichi groaned.

"Bye Kaito, and thanks for helping me set everything up!” Kaede yelled as she waved to the astronaut.

“Yeah yeah, see you guys later.” Kaito winked at Shuichi, gave his iconic thumbs up, and sauntered out of the room.

As soon as they heard the door shut, Kaede nuzzled into Shuichi’s chest, and he let out a sigh. He started to play with Kaede’s hair as they sat in comfortable silence. 

“So, it’s been over a full month since I’ve seen you, huh?”

“Y-yeah.”

Shuichi continued to stroke her hair.

“So...what’s it like? Unless you don’t want to talk about right now. I was just worried about you a lot while you were gone.”

“Well, I’m not gonna lie, it really sucked at first, but I eventually got used to it. It was really, really scary when I first arrived at the hospital. The worst part was having to get completely naked in front of this lady I just met.” He averted Kaede's eyes in embarrassment. 

“Oh jeez, I would have cried. How did you handle it? I know that you’re super insecure about your body.” Kaede looked up at him with concerned eyes.

“Well, I did cry, and it took some convincing from the n-nurse for me to completely strip, but at least it was over pretty quickly. I had to put on one of those weird gowns too.”

“Oh, I hate those things.”

“Heh, yeah. Well, um, after that a bunch of different doctors and social w-workers talked to me. They kept asking pretty much the same questions which was quite annoying. After about a day, I got transferred to a different facility. My uncle had to bring me some clothes, and as you know I stayed there for a little over a month. It was pretty boring, actually. It felt kind of like prison actually, which is pretty ironic. There was a very strict schedule, I was told when to eat, when to sleep, when to wake up, when I could leave my room, or go outside. I was also forced to do group and individual therapy. So yeah it was mostly really boring. But also, I felt safe, and the therapy was a-actually really helpful for me.”

Shuichi looked down at Kaede, who’s eyes were closed.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I went on for way too long, I d-didn’t mean to make you fall asleep on me.” Shuichi laughed awkwardly.

Kaede’s eyes snapped open. 

“Oh, no I’m not sleeping I swear! You just…have a really soothing voice. I was listening, don’t worry.” Kaede flashed a nervous smile at him. “I’m really sorry you had to go through all that, but I’m just glad that you're okay. This is the start of your road to recovery, so you better work hard, okay?” She smiled brightly at him. 

Shuichi gazed into her eyes.

“Yeah. I will.”

Kaede suddenly looked shy again.

“Weeeeellll?” Kaede asked.

“Well, what?” Shuichi asked with visible confusion.

“Are you gonna give me that smooch or what?”

“H-huh? Oh yeah, r-right!” 

He definitely sounded too eager. Kaede sat up and climbed into his lap.

“K-kaede! W-what are you doing?” Shuichi whispered. 

“It’s okay Shuichi. You’re safe with me. Don’t forget that.” Kaede stared at him intensely, her shyness now dissipated.

Shuichi leaned in first, wrapping his arms around her waist. Kaede responded by cupping his face in her hands. Their lips met hesitantly, and he could feel the heat emanating from both of their faces. This was still new for the both of them, and there was of course a bit of standard teenage awkwardness involved, even from the usually bold Kaede. 

Their lips barely touched at first, but Kaede suddenly deepened the kiss. Shuichi let out a surprised noise, but slowly let himself relax in her embrace. Kaede’s thumbs stroked the sides of his face, and made soft noises as their lips moved slowly. This was amazing. But Shuichi was definitely getting too worked up by just some kissing. He let out quiet moans in response.

He was not expecting things to heat up this much. He nervously swallowed and felt his hands start to tremble.

Kaede stopped for a second. “I-Is this okay Shuichi?” She looked down at him worriedly. 

“Y-yeah, th-this is…nice” He reached his hand up and gently swept some of her hair out of her face. She leaned into his hand.

“Sorry if I’m a bad kisser. I don’t exactly have a lot of experience.” Said Shuichi, suddenly self conscious.

Kaede giggled. “It’s not like I have any experience either, silly.”

Kaede closed her eyes and pulled him back into the kiss. This time she was a little more aggressive, and their kissing gradually became more and more passionate. Shuichi let out a startled gasp when he felt Kaede gently moving her hips against him. She made breathy sounds as she ran her hands through Shuichi's hair. Shuichi eventually found himself on top of Kaede, pushing her onto the couch. She let out a muffled yelp at the sudden action, and looked up at the detective in a daze. Shuichi pulled away and they both panted.

“Shuichi?” Kaede whispered questioningly.

That’s when he started to internally panic. He couldn't go further than this, even though he wanted to more than anything. The most amazing girl on the planet just made out with him, and he can’t even be...intimate with her. He can’t let her see.

“I-I’m sorry Kaede. I don’t think I’m ready to go any f-further than this right now.”

He was expecting disappointment, but she just smiled at him.

“Yeah, this is getting a little heated, isn’t it?” She suddenly was overcome with embarrassment and averted the detective’s gaze. “I’m sorry that I lost control of myself like that."

Shuichi ran a hand through her hair and smiled. "Hey, it's not like I wasn't engaging too. There's no need to be embarrassed." 

She smiled slightly, but suddenly her expression turned serious. 

"I just…I really missed you while you were away, and you really scared me when you were on the roof.” Her bottom lip trembled slightly. “I just wanted to show you how much I love you.” Her voice broke as her eyes grew watery.

“I’m so, so sorry Kaede.” Shuichi gently wiped some tears from her cheeks. Now he felt tears coming too. 

“I didn’t do that b-because I wanted to hurt you. I was only thinking about myself, and ending my own pain when I went up there. I just didn’t want to hate myself anymore. I’m sorry I was so s-selfish. I promise that I won’t scare you like that ever again.” Shuichi kissed her on the forehead and shifted so that they were cuddling next to each other. They laid there for a long time, crying silently.

“Shuichi,” Kaede cut through the silence. “do you really hate yourself that much? You just, never really talk to me about it, and that worries me.”

Shuichi thought hard for a moment.

"Yeah...It's like I have this voice in my head, always telling me how worthless I am. It gets pretty intense sometimes.”

Kaede stroked the side of her boyfriend’s face with her thumb. 

“Well, I think you’re pretty great. You need to start telling that voice to shut up. Or else I'll go inside your brain and beat it up." 

Shuichi couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Kaede laughed too, but quickly finished her thought. 

“But for real, you’re super duper handsome, and I really like smooching your handsome face. You're also a billion times smarter than me, and I think you're an amazing detective."

Shuichi looked dumbfounded for a moment, but then lightly squeezed the pianist's hand with a smile.

“You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen Kaede. Inside and out. I love you.”

Kaede's eyes widened at this statement, and just when Shuichi was about to panic, her lips stretched into a loving smile. 

“I love you too, but you better not do anything like that again, or I’ll never forgive you Saihara. I mean that.” Kaede stated firmly.

Shuichi frowned. “Don’t worry, I won’t.” 

"Promise?"

"I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are gonna spice up next chapter, so sorry if this one was kind of boring. This whole story is basically just practice for me, so it's gonna be kind of a mess. Once again, criticism is appreciated!


	3. A Pleasant Game of Chess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi and Shuichi hang out, and as always something goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains talk of self harm. It doesn't go into a lot of detail though. Also things may or may not get a lil' spicy for a second...

“Did ya tell her yet?”

Shuichi moved his knight before looking up at the other boy.

“Tell who about what Kokichi?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Saihara, you know what I’m talking about.”

Shuichi flashed him a tired look. 

Kokichi crossed his arms. “Huh, I’m honestly surprised you’ve hidden it for this long. I mean- haven’t you guys, you know, yet?” Kokichi wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, which elicited a sigh from Shuichi. “I mean, unless you’re a weirdo who does it with all your clothes on. I mean, not that I have any right to judge. After all, I’m into way freakier stuff than that!” Kokichi winked. 

Shuichi sighed. 

“She can’t know.”

“Hmph, you always get on my case for being a liar, when you’re the one who lies maliciously. I always do it in good fun, but what’s your excuse?” Kokichi leaned forward, his hand hovering over the board as he stared challengingly at the detective.

“She can’t know!” Kokichi mocked. “Like, dude, what does that even mean. Even I think that’s a stupid thing to hide from your girlfriend.” He moved his bishop and captured Shuichi's knight.

Shuichi slid his pawn two spaces.

“Are you really insinuating that I’m more of a liar than you?” Shuichi questioned.

“Hmmm, I dunno about more, but I feel like we’re definitely equal when it comes to lying. In fact, you’re lying right now.”

“What are you talking about Ouma?”

A sly smile crept onto his face. “I know that right now you just wanna punch me in the face, but you’re just acting all polite because you can't handle confrontation." 

Shuichi looked up from the board and folded his arms, mirroring Kokichi. 

"I don't want to hurt you, Kokichi. I just find it ridiculous that you're accusing me of being as much of a liar as you. And I don't lie maliciously. I just… omit the truth sometimes." Shuichi sounded unsure as he finished his sentence.

“Nee-heehee, you're even lying to yourself now! Let's be real here, your lies cause more damage than mine do. All because you’re too afraid to face the truth.” Kokichi had a dark look on his face as he stared down Shuichi. Shuichi glared back.

"What is your problem right now? Can't you just stay out of my business for once?" Shuichi demanded.

“What's my problem? My problem is that you’re just the ultimate hypocrite Shuichi. You hate me for doing something you do all the damn time and it pisses me off.” Kokichi stood abruptly.

Shuichi reluctantly met Kokichi’s narrowed eyes.

“Kokichi…” Shuichi began cautiously. "I don't hate you. Why do you e-even think that I hate you?"

Kokichi turned away from Shuichi and placed his hands on his hips.

"Because you do, Shuichi. Everybody hates me. That's just how things are. It's not like I care though, in fact, I want people to hate me! So don't go feeling sorry for me or anything."

Shuichi stood up and walked over to Kokichi, putting a hand on his shoulder. Kokichi jerked away from his touch.

"Unlike you, I bet nobody would care if I died."

It was at that moment that realization dawned on Shuichi's face. That realization quickly turned into concern, and he went into detective mode.

"Kokichi…how did you find me on the roof?"

Kokichi turned around, clearly annoyed.

"Obviously I saw you go up the stairs, and decided to follow you. I knew you were up to something when you asked me to teach you lock picking, and you know how much I like snooping. I never expected you to be suicidal though, so my bad, sorry for enabling you I guess."

Shuichi put his hand up to his mouth and thought hard for a moment.

"If you had seen me go up the stairs, then why did it take you so long to follow me? I was up there for about ten minutes before you showed up. You also seemed genuinely shocked to see me there. I don't usually believe in coincidences, but there seems to be no possibility other than you going up to the roof on your own. So, Kokichi, I'll ask you again. Why were you up there?"

Kokichi went expressionless for a moment, but he quickly put on a wide smile.

"Nee-heehee, your detective work is as impressive as always, Shuichi. You caught me. To tell you the truth, I was gonna have my gang pick me up in my helicopter. It was gonna be pretty sick, but, thanks to you, I had to text them to cancel my dramatic exit."

Kokichi pouted and walked over to the kitchen. He rummaged through Shuichi's fridge and pulled out a grape soda. He always kept them in stock for when Kokichi visited, but he personally hated the stuff. Shuichi had no idea how he was able to stomach that disgusting fluid.

"That's…you're definitely lying to me right now."

Kokichi opened the cap and chugged the soda, some of it pouring out onto his chin. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and gave Shuichi an indistinguishable look.

"Why are you interrogating me Shuichi? Are ya' gonna arrest me or something for going onto a roof?" Kokichi rolled his eyes.

"I'm just worried about you. When we were up there, you told me that you struggle with… unpleasant thoughts as well."

Kokichi stared down at his drink with furrowed eyebrows. "I was lying you stupid-head. Like I said, I was just saying anything I could to get you to stop being such an idiot."

Shuichi stepped closer to Kokichi.

"Arm." Shuichi ordered.

Kokichi's eyes widened.

"...What?" 

"Let me see your a-arm."

"Uhhh, how about no, you weirdo. I already told you I don't do that. I'm not a moron like you."

"Well, y-you have nothing to worry about then."

Kokichi stared daggers at him, and set down his soda on the counter. He then rolled up his left sleeve. Shuichi took his arm and carefully inspected it. There were three vertical scars that started at his wrist and ended near his elbow, but they were faded. At least a year old.

"See, I'm fine Shuichi. Can I go now? I have evil business to attend to." 

"Other arm."

Kokichi seemed really pissed now.

"What is your deal Shuichi? You're the one who freaked the fuck out on a rooftop, and now I'm the one that's depressed? I think you just want to discount everything I've said to you by proving that I'm a hypocrite. Well I'm not, because you're the hypocrite!" Kokichi yanked his arm back and quickly pulled his sleeve down.

"I'm just ch-checking up on you Kokichi. You were there for me, now I'm trying to be there for you. I want my intuition to be wrong right now, so can you please just show me your other arm, so that I know if you're okay or not."

Kokichi's face suddenly became devoid of emotion, and his icy look pierced through Shuichi. They stood there like that for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, Kokichi stepped closer to Shuichi, and he slowly rolled up his right sleeve. 

Shuichi could see right away that it was in bad shape, and once again he took his arm into his hands, much more carefully this time. Like he was handling an explosive. Angry red cuts lined his entire forearm, most of them clustered near the wrist. Shuichi could tell that the wounds were most likely made with blunt scissors. 

"Kokichi…" Shuichi looked up at the supreme leader, who now had tears in the corners of his eyes. However, he maintained his calm expression. 

"Looks like your intuition was right Shuichi." Kokichi spoke in an unusually deep voice. "Is this a turn on for you, seeing me all vulnerable like this."

Kokichi stepped closer to the detective, and Shuichi stepped back, growing increasingly uncomfortable. Kokichi kept stepping closer, until he had Shuichi backed into the wall. 

"K-kokichi! What the hell are you doing?" 

Shuichi looked at the shorter male with panicked eyes, as he pressed both of his hands against the wall on each side of Shuichi, trapping him.

"Are you satisfied now, detective? Or is there somewhere else you need to inspect?" Kokichi leaned in closer, lightly brushing his lips against Shuichi's. Shuichi responded by shoving Kokichi away.

"Enough!" Shuichi shouted. "What the hell are you doing?" 

Kokichi stared at him blankly, then turned away and headed towards the front door. Shuichi was frozen for a second, but he managed to will his body into chasing after him.

"W-wait, I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to y-yell!"

Kokichi pulled the door open, but Shuichi slammed it shut. Kokichi stared at the door, refusing to look at the other. 

"Kokichi, I-I know that you just wanted to distract me from what I saw," he placed a hand on Kokichi's shoulder, "but we're gonna talk about this, okay? We have to."

Kokichi kept staring at the door, but Shuichi noticed that his shoulders had started to shake. Shuichi turned him around and looked him in the eyes. Tears were streaming down his face, and his bottom lip quivered despite his serious expression. Shuichi pulled him into a hug, and he cried softly into his chest. 

"Shhhh, it's alright." Shuichi whispered as he wrapped his arms around the crying boy. 

Kokichi cried for a minute, but he suddenly stepped back with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Did you really fall for that? Wow, I take back the being smart thing. Supreme leaders don't do something like this because they're depressed! It's so they can manipulate sappy idiots like you." Kokichi's smile turned more and more sinister as he spoke. "Did you really feel bad for me? Well? Did ya did ya did ya!?" He hopped up and down excitedly.

Shuichi just stared at him sadly. 

"Eh!? Why are you looking at me like that? I just wanted to make sure that you'd never leave me. You'd just feel so guilty if you stopped being my friend after seeing that! Now my goal of stealing your heart is complete." Kokichi placed his hands on his hips triumphantly.

Shuichi crossed his arms. "Maybe last year you could pull this in me, but I think by now I can see right through your act. You always act like your crying was just you pretending, but I think that sometimes it's real, and you just play it off. Like you're playing it off now, because you don't want me to see that you're really hurting." Shuichi grabbed Kokichi's shoulders. "It's okay to not be okay. After all the support I've been getting from everyone, I'm finally starting to see that, and I think you deserve that same support."

Shuichi smiled down at Kokichi, whose tear covered face was unreadable. 

"...I gotta go." Kokichi said quietly. He stepped back and wiped his tears away.

"Come on, I promise that I'll talk about my experience if you talk about yours." Shuichi offered. 

Kokichi sighed and casually put his arms behind his head.

"I really do have somewhere I need to be. But…maybe I'll text you later, and just maybe, I'll tell you about the roof." 

Shuichi nodded. "Okay, you better text me. If you don't I'll have to assume the worst."

Kokichi scoffed. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna try to off myself. That's your thing."

Kokichi hastily turned around, and once again opened the door, stepping out onto the porch. Before he closed it behind him, he paused.

"Tell your girlfriend. Suffering alone sucks."

Then the door swung shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Kokichi is a struggle. I toned him down a bit only because I think that being in the killing game affected a lot of his behavior. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this juicy chapter. If there's anything I could do to improve, please let me know!


	4. A Very Awkward Car Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi opens up to his uncle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Talk of self harm
> 
> I guess uncle Saihara is a character now.

As Shuichi exited his therapist's office, and noticed his uncle, Kunio, waving to him from the parking lot. Shuichi waved back with a smile and jogged over.

"Uncle? Aren't you busy with the latest case?" Shuichi asked. 

"Not too busy to make sure my favorite nephew gets home safe." Shuichi huffed as the man ruffled his hair. 

"Hey!" Shuichi exclaimed.

His uncle chuckled as they both got into the silver car.

The car was quiet as they drove home. It was just like when they had driven to the hospital. Things have been a little awkward since then. His uncle had looked so sad when he picked Shuichi up from the school that day. Shuichi cried from shame as the older man roughly pulled him into a hug. Neither of them have ever been good with sharing emotions, but Shuichi knew that his uncle truly cared about him. He had taken him in when his parents left, and gave him all the love that they didn't. He taught him so much, gave him endless advice, and made him the man he is today. Then he repaid him by trying to jump off of a roof. 

"So," Kunio began, "how have things been going in there? I don't know a lot about this stuff, so if it's not helping, you can tell me. I promise that I won't get mad or anything. We can always work something else out, or find a different therapist. I just want to give you what you need."

Shuichi opened the glove compartment and took his hat out, placing it on his head. 

"Oh, things are going pretty great actually. I really like my therapist. She's really patient, and she gives me some good insights. So you don't have to worry." Shuichi anxiously tugged on his sleeves. 

"Well, I'm worrying. You still seem like you're keeping something from me. I'm a detective you know, I can sense these things." He glanced at Shuichi and smiled weakly. 

Shuichi just stared at his lap. 

"You can talk to me Shuichi, I need you to know that. I promise I'll never judge you for struggling." Kunio cleared his throat. "If you're still having…those thoughts, you can be honest with me kid. I love you so much, and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to fail you again." His uncle's voice broke slightly, and he cleared his throat again.

Finally, Shuichi looked up at him.

"Just… help me to understand what you're going through kid. Please. All I know is that you're hurting, and you won't tell me why. That's really scary for me Shuichi."

"Uncle?" Shuichi whispered.

Kunio looked over at him, noticing the tears in the boy's eyes, and he quickly pulled over to the side of the road. Once they came to a full stop, he shifted his body to face his nephew, his expression intensely serious.

"What is it Shuichi? I'm here for you."

Shuichi pulled his hat over his eyes, trying to work up the courage to speak.

"I-um, I have a, um, p-problem."

Kunio took a breath. "What kind of a problem son?" He reached over and put his hand on the boy's shoulder. 

"S-sometimes-I um…do stuff t-to myself." Shuishi gripped his sides and took in a shaky breath.

"Like what?" Kunio asked softly, squeezing Shuichi's shoulder in reassurance.

"I-I-I… uh… h-hurt myself…" 

Shuichi was fully crying now, and shaking intensely.

"It's okay Shuichi, just take deep breaths. There's no reason to be scared." His uncle rubbed shoulder to comfort him. "Can you tell me how you hurt yourself?"

Shuichi sniffled loudly and let out a long, shaky breath. "I h-have a boxcutter in my drawer, and I use that to cut a-arms, and uh, my thighs." 

He was giving him that sad look again. Shuichi has never felt so ashamed before in his life. Why was he putting his uncle through this after how much he’s taken care of him? The older detective took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his head, trying to think of how to handle this information.

"Alright, we'll have a serious talk when we get home. You're not in trouble though, I promise.” 

Kunio reached over and gave Shuichi an affirmative squeeze on the hand.

“I'm so glad that you told me that Shuichi."

Kunio smiled at him sadly, and gave him an affectionate pat on the head before putting the car back into drive. Shuichi continued to sniffle quietly in the passenger seat, Kunio frequently shooting him worried glances.

As soon as they got home, the two detectives took off their shoes, and Kunio sat Shuichi down on the couch in the living room. Then took a seat on the second couch directly across from him. His Aunt, Natsuko, soon entered the room from the kitchen and immediately noticed that something was off. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, looking worried.

Kunio motioned her over to the couch. She slowly walked over and sat down next to her husband. 

“I should have done this when you got back home, but I’m gonna have to search your room for anything you can hurt yourself with. You said there was a boxcutter in one of your drawers, right?”

Shuichi bowed his head in shame. “Y-yeah.”

“Alright, well if there’s anything else I need to know about, I’d appreciate it if you told me now. I’m going to find it regardless, but it would be nice for you to help me out here.”

“Th-there’s nothing else, I promise. I guess other than the pills in my bathroom.” Shuichi wrung his hands together anxiously and refused to look up at the other two. 

His uncle nodded, stroking his beard as he thought of what to say next.

“I’m also going to have a doctor examine your wounds. I’ll make an appointment right away, and I'll let you know when we’re going. Okay?”

Shuichi nodded.

“Wounds?…What’s going on Shuichi?” His aunt probed, her eyes wide.

Shuichi stayed silent. 

Kunio rested his hand on Natsuko’s thigh.

“I’ll explain later dear, Shuichi is probably very overwhelmed right now. I’ll be in your room kid, so you can stay here and sleep on the couch. You look like you need a good rest.”

His uncle stood slowly, his knees aching with age, and made his way up the stairs to Shuichi’s room. His aunt watched him, the worry increasing on her face by the second. Once the man was out of sight, she looked back towards Shuichi, who was still staring at his lap.

“You do look exhausted, you poor dear. I’ll go get you a blanket and pillow.”

His aunt hastily left the room, and returned shortly with a large blue blanket and a fluffy pillow in her arms. Shuichi looked up and accepted the items with a weak smile. 

“Thank you Aunt Natsuko.” 

Wow, I really do need sleep. Shuichi thought to himself as he got comfortable on the couch.

“I love you, Shuichi.” His Aunt spoke softly.

“I love you too.” He responded with a weak smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Shuichi, but at least he's actually starting to open up now. I've had this same scenario happen to me, only it did not go nearly as well lol. I hope that you all enjoyed and that my English wasn't too bad.


	5. Five New Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi's parents kind of suck and Kokichi is weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Some talk of self harm and a mention of a past suicide attempt.

Shuichi woke up with a groan. His head really hurt. Probably from crying so much. He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking around. It was dark except for the light in the kitchen. He soon realised that his aunt and uncle were talking in hushed voices in there.

“Calling my brother is pointless, Natsuko. Him and Aiko made it very clear that they wanted nothing to do with Shuichi when they decided to go on their little vacation. If he wants to know what’s going on with his son, he should call him more often.”

“Kunio, they’re his parents. They have a right to know that this is going on. Now, I don’t expect them to just cancel their plans and come home, but what if...something happens to him, and they’re completely in the dark about it? They’ll never forgive you for keeping this from them. Despite their neglect, they love him Kunio.”

“They don’t need to know, and that’s final. If they get involved, they’ll make things worse for him. You know how hurt he is that they left. He feels abandoned, and I have a feeling that this abandonment is the thing that's fueling this behavior.”

His uncle stormed out of the kitchen, and was alarmed to see that Shuichi was awake.

“Oh um, I’m s-sorry, I wasn’t trying to e-eavesdrop...”

His uncle sighed, rubbing the back of his head. 

“I’m sorry if you heard any of that Shuichi.”

“Oh no, d-don’t worry I didn’t hear anything, really.”

Kunio narrowed his eyes and sighed again as Natsuko entered the living room looking defeated.

“Well, I’m heading to bed now. I just finished searching your room, so feel free to spend the rest of the night there.” Shuichi nodded, and Kunio gave him a tired smile before he walked off. 

Natsuko watched him go, and as soon as her husband was gone her eyes met Shuichi’s.

“So, how much did you hear?”

Shuichi looked embarrassed. “Sorry, I just happened to wake up while you were t-talking. I heard you talking about my parents, and that’s about it.”

His aunt nodded. 

“Well, let me help you bring your stuff to your room.”

“Oh n-no, it’s fine, I got it.” Shuichi stood up clutching the pillow and blanket. 

His aunt looked at him like she wanted to say something, but decided against it.

“Goodnight Shuichi.”

“Oh, g-goodnight.” He responded.

The blanket dragged on the floor behind him as he trudged up the stairs to his room. The day's events replayed in his head while he walked through the hallway. He couldn’t believe that he actually admitted to his shameful habit, and to his uncle of all people. Shuichi was mostly surprised at his uncle's reaction. He was so understanding and accepting of Shuichi’s situation. From the argument he overheard, it seems as if he completely blames his parents for his declined mental health. His uncle and his father have never really gotten along, but he accepted Shuichi into his home in a heartbeat. He really was lucky to have him and Natsuko.

He quietly shut his door behind him and scanned his room. Things were much neater than usual, so it seems like his uncle did some reorganizing. Shuichi cautiously approached his dresser and opened the top drawer. After a bit of rummaging he confirmed that the boxcutter was indeed gone. He felt mild disappointment for a moment before he mentally slapped himself.

This is good. He thought.

But he couldn’t help but feel a sense of anxiety now that his coping mechanism had been taken away. He knows that it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but…it really did work.

Shuichi fell onto his bed with a heavy sigh. That’s when he remembered that Kokichi was supposed to text him. 

He casually grabbed his phone from his back pocket and checked his messages. Five notifications hung over Kokichi’s name, and one over Kaede’s. He clicked Kokichi’s name first and hastily read the messages.

Kokichi: Sooooooooooooo

Kokichi: I just got done ordering my grunts around

Kokichi: Shuichiiiiiiiii ur so mean to me i thought u promised to text me

Kokichi: I’m sorry Shuichi i just can’t take this anymore

Kokichi: Jk that was a lie. Unfortunately im still alive

Shuichi felt a surge of fear at the fourth message, but that fear quickly turned into annoyance as he read the fifth.

Shuichi: Sorry I fell asleep. I’m here to talk now

Shuichi was surprised that Kokichi started typing almost immediately after he sent his message.

Kokichi: Geez shuichi that's pretty inconsiderate of you

Shuichi: I had a rough day. I was probably gonna die if I didn’t sleep when I did.

Kokichi: Hmmmm??? Did something happen?

Shuichi: I told my uncle about the thing.

Kokichi: why are you afraid to just say self harm

Shuichi: I’m not...

Kokichi: I can tell when you’re lying even over text sushi

Shuichi: Please don’t call me that.

Shuichi: Also, enough stalling. Tell me why you were going to the roof.

Kokichi: Uuuggghhh fiiiiine, sometimes ur just as bossy as ur lame gf

Shuichi: Careful when you talk about my girlfriend Ouma.

Kokichi: Do you want to hear about the roof or not????

Shuichi: Alright go on.

Kokichi: Weelllllll every friday i go up there and chill. Deadass that’s it

Shuichi: Really?

Kokichi: Yup

Shuichi: I find it odd that you said something along the lines of “now I only think about killing myself once a week”, and every Friday just so happens to be once a week.

Kokichi: What do you want from me

Shuichi: The truth. I know that’s a lot to ask of you but I really do just want to check in with you.

Kokichi: How did you figure out that i was cutting myself

Shuichi paused for a second, momentarily taken aback by this question.

Shuichi: I just realised that most lies you tell have some sort of truth to them. You told me on the roof that you tried it once but didn’t like it, so I thought that either you were lying about doing it at all, or you were lying about not liking it. Also I never see you wear short sleeves.

Kokichi: Ur detective skills are actually impressive sometimes

Shuichi: Thanks?

Shuichi: But seriously I need you to be honest with me about the roof. I think I know why you go up there, but I still want to hear it from you.

Kokichi didn’t respond for a couple of minutes, which was unusual for him.

Kokichi: Like I said, i go up there every friday. I think about jumping, and then i don't

Kokichi: There, r u happy now mr detective

Shuichi: I don’t know if happy is the right word…

Kokichi: I just think about it but i'd never do it so no worries

Shuichi: I don’t believe you.

Kokichi: What else is new

Shuichi: I saw old scars on your left arm. They weren’t just self harm. It was from a suicide attempt. So how can you say you’d never go through with it again?

Kokichi: What are you gonna do about shuichi

Kokichi: How do you expect to help me when you can’t even help yourself

Shuichi thought hard about how to respond. Kokichi was right, he was a mess. How the hell was he supposed to be there for Kokichi if he’s doing the same exact things he’s telling this guy not to do.

Shuichi: I'm not trying to fix you or anything. I really do just want to be here for you. I can just listen. You said yourself that suffering alone sucks.

Kokichi: Well maybe I just don't want to talk to you

Kokichi: I don't tell anybody about my personal life so what makes you think im gonna open up to you?

Shuichi: I don't want to force you to talk to me but I'm also scared that something is gonna happen to you. If you're not gonna talk to me can you at least promise that you'll get help elsewhere?

Kokichi: How about no????

Kokichi: U aint the boss of me

Kokichi: But seriously i'm fine shuichi so stop freaking out and worry about urself

Kokichi: This conversation is boring me now, so goodnight my sweet detective :P

Shuichi: Come on Kokichi I'm really worried about you

Shuichi sighed in defeat. If he's supposedly Kokichi's "best friend", then why is he still being like…this? He's always been so confusing and closed off. It's beyond frustrating trying to get to know the real Kokichi. But Shuichi never gives up on solving a mystery. He plugged in his phone, placing it on his nightstand. He then realised that he's still wearing his school uniform and got up to change into something more comfortable. 

As he removed a baggy white t-shirt and a pair of blue shorts from his dresser drawer, he noticed an unfamiliar black bag that definitely wasn't there before. Now curious, Shuichi quickly finished changing and threw his uniform into the corner of his room before removing the bag.

He placed the bag on top of his dresser and carefully unzipped it. 

"...Huh?"

Inside the bag were various medical supplies, with a folded note resting neatly on top. Shuichi unfolded the note and read it.

"I know that hiding away everything sharp isn't really going to help you. You will always be able to get your hands on something, so in the end it's up to you to make the decision to stop. I know that fighting these urges must be hard, but I know you can do it kid. You're tougher than you think you are. If you're gonna relapse, I just wanted this to be here for you so you can at least take care of yourself. Stay safe Shuichi, and remember that you're like a son to me. I love you, and I want you to be happy. ~Detective Saihara"

Shuichi felt tears well up in his eyes as he clutched the note. He knew that Kunio must have been hurting so much after his son died. He was only a year old, and Shuichi only got to see him once. So him saying that Shuichi was like his son, it was a pretty big deal. That's probably why he's been trying so hard to support Shuichi. He doesn't want to fail again. Shuichi is making him feel like a failure.

Shuichi angrily tugged on his hair, tears now flowing freely from his tired eyes. How could he do this to his uncle? To his aunt? Why is he putting them through so much? 

He needs…

No, shut up, I'm not doing that. This is the exact opposite effect of what that note was supposed to have. What is wrong with me? Why am I breaking down over such a heartfelt note?

Shuichi slid into bed and did the breathing exercise his therapist showed him 

In for four, hold for four, out for four.

After a couple minutes of squared breathing, Shuichi finally calmed down. He suddenly felt exhausted again, and lifted up his phone once more to check the message Kaede sent him.

Kaede: Just wanted to say goodnight, love you, and I'll see you tomorrow! Get plenty of rest!!!

Shuichi: I love you too. Can't wait to see you again.

Shuichi smiled to himself as he put his phone back down.

It has been a long week since he's been back. First there was the party, then the Sunday confrontation with Kokichi. School has been a nightmare so far, with all the work he needed to make up after his month of absence. But strangely, on top of all the stress he's feeling, he also has a feeling that everything is going to be okay. He has so many people who want to support him through this. He has to try for them. He can't give into despair. He has to beat this no matter what…no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, criticism is appreciated, and I hope this was at least mildly entertaining.


	6. The Dangang Hangs Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi and friends eat lunch and talk.

Shuichi sat in the cafeteria, picking at his food. Kaito sat across from him with his arm slung around Maki's shoulder, but Kaede hadn't shown up yet. She was probably still caught up in playing the piano. It was nice that everyone got a free period to hone their talents. Shuichi usually spent his free period reading mystery novels or cold case files. 

"Earth to Shuichi!" Kaito waved his hand in front of Shuichi's face. 

"Oh-um s-sorry." Shuichi's face grew red with embarrassment. He had a bad habit of getting lost in thought.

"No problem dude, I was just making sure you were good. So, are you coming to our training session today? It's been awhile since we've had one." Kaito beamed at Shuichi. Sometimes he wished he could have just a fraction of the aspiring astronaut's energy.

"Y-yeah, of course!" Shuichi returned the smile.

"What's wrong?" Maki demanded 

Shuichi's eyes widened in surprise. "Huh? N-nothings wrong…uh, why do you ask Maki?"

Maki narrowed her eyes at him and Kaito raised an eyebrow. 

"I know fear when I see it, Shuichi. And you look scared right now. Does it have something to do with Kaede not being here?"

"Whoa, hey Maki, if they're having issues maybe we shouldn't butt in."

"Oh no, don't worry it's n-nothing like that." Shuichi waved his arms in a panic. 

"Then what is it?"

"I-uh…"

Just as he was about to make an excuse for his nervousness Kaede finally showed up.

"Shuichiiiii!" She shouted excitedly as she ran over, and practically threw herself into the booth.

"Hey Kaede!" Shuichi said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Kaede pouted at him.

"What did we talk about Shuichi?"

He looked confused for a moment, but then blushed profusely.

"Oh, my bad…sweetheart."

Kaede flashed a satisfied grin. "Much better."

"Hey, what about us!" Kaito frowned and crossed his arms. Maki did the same.

"Oh, sorry guys!," Kaede giggled, "How are you lovebirds doing?" She wiggled her eyebrows at them.

Maki rolled her eyes and blushed slightly. Kaito let out a chuckle. 

"Things are amazing actually. I threw up on our first date, but other than that I think things went pretty smoothly." He shyly rubbed at the back of his neck.

Maki let a small smile slip.

Kaede clasped her hands together. "Awww, you guys are adorable! I'm so glad that you got together!" Suddenly, she gasped.

"OH MY GOD, WE SHOULD GO ON A DOUBLE DATE!" She shouted excitedly. A couple of students glanced at their table.

Kaito slammed his fist on the table. 

"YES."

"Hmm, that would actually be fun." Maki said in agreement.

Everyone looked at Shuichi expectantly.

"Oh, yeah, of c-course! Um, when should we do it?"

Everyone thought for a moment. Kaede spoke first.

"Does Sunday at about twelve work for everyone?"

"Works for me." Kaito replied. 

"Yeah I'm free then." Said Maki.

"Alright what about you Shuichi?" Kaede asked.

"Oh, yeah I can do it then." He wrung his hands anxiously. He was really hoping to have a one-on-one talk with Kaede this weekend, but if he finally tells her about his habit he might ruin the fun of their double date. 

"Then it's a date!" She grabbed a hold of Shuichi's hand and rested her head on his shoulder. "Hey, you haven't eaten your lunch. What did I tell you about taking care of yourself?" She gave him a stern look.

Shuichi looked away. "Sorry, I'm just really not hungry right now for some reason."

"You don't need to apologize for that, silly. Did you eat breakfast at least?"

"Um...no?" He smiled anxiously at her. This prompted her to narrow her eyes. 

Kaito stood up and slammed both hands on the table, startling everyone. "You're wasting away Shuichi! How are we supposed to train today if you haven't even fueled up!" 

"Ack- sorry!" 

"Oh, my bad. Didn't mean to scare everyone." He sat down with a sheepish smile. 

"Hey, where's Keebo?" Kaede asked as she took a bite out of her apple.

"Probably ditched us for Miu again." Responded Maki.

Shuichi nodded in agreement. "I don't really understand how those two get along, but opposites attract I suppose." 

"Didn't she call you Sherlock Homo once?" Kaede asked with a giggle.

Shuichi sighed. "Yes, yes she did."

Shuichi looked over, and that's when he noticed Kokichi standing in the middle of the lunch room, staring at him. Shuichi stiffened, quickly looked away, only to look back and see that yes, he was definitely still staring at him. 

Maki followed his gaze and narrowed her eyes once she noticed the supreme leader. 

"What's his deal?" She muttered.

"Huh, who?" Kaito turned his head and furrowed his eyebrows once he noticed Kokichi. Kaede just looked confused as she scanned the crowd.

Kokichi smiled devilishly before briskly walking away. 

"What a weirdo." Kaito murmured to himself. "Why do you even hang out with that guy Shuichi? He's just a load of trouble. I mean, doesn't he run some shady evil organization or whatever?" 

"H-hey, I don't think that's fair. I know you two butt heads a lot, but he's a nice guy underneath all his weirdness. Also I don't think he's actually the leader of an evil organization."

Kaede swallowed her food before adding onto Shuichi's point. "I seriously doubt that Hope's Peak would scout somebody like that anyways."

Kaito shrugged. "If they'll take in a yakuza leader and a biker gang leader, then is it really too much of a stretch for them to take in an evil leader?"

Maki jumped in. "They only care about talent here, not what kind of person you are. I mean I'm here, aren't I?"

"Oh, right." Kaede's face reddened. "Well anyways, I don't think he's a bad person. He's just immature. I mean, he did text us when…you know." She said awkwardly. 

Shuichi stared at a particularly interesting section of the wall for a moment, then something clicked in his brain.

"Today is Friday, isn't it?"

"Yeah of course it is. Why?" Kaede asked with a curious expression as she shoveled more rice into her mouth.

"Um, I just remembered that I have s-something to do before training today Kaito. I'll make it quick though! I just have to return a book to somebody after school." Lying came easy to Shuichi. Maybe Kokichi was right.

"No problem buddy! We'll just wait for you at the usual spot." Kaito gave him a thumbs up.

"If you make us wait too long I'll kill you." Maki glared at him.

"R-right." Shuichi stuttered. 

The group quickly finished their lunch just before the bell rang. 

"We'll catch you later Shuichi!" Kaito waved as he walked down the hallway, holding hands with Maki.

Shuichi waved back and turned towards Kaede. She blushed and grabbed his hand.

"It's been awhile since we've gone out. Are you excited?" She asked. 

"I'm always excited to be with you." Shuichi smiled shyly, and Kaede smiled back. He stared at the ground blankly as they navigated the crowded halls. He didn't even notice that they were going the wrong way until he looked up and realized that Kaede had guided him to behind the stairwell.

"Kaede? What are we doing here?" He looked at her inquisitively. 

Kaede looked very serious all of a sudden, and Shuichi could feel himself starting to sweat. 

"Are you really okay Shuichi? Things have sort of gone back to the way they were before you broke down, but maybe things shouldn't be the same. I have to admit, ever since what happened on the roof, my view of you has changed. I-I'm not saying in a bad way, I still love you, but I definitely do see you differently. I dunno, lately I've just started to think that maybe I don't really know you. But I want to know you. But also you still haven't really opened up to me." 

Kaede was talking fast, and stared at the ground with clenched fists as she spoke.

Shuichi had to take a moment to process everything she said. He had no idea that Kaede was this affected by the roof incident. This whole time she was pretending that everything was fine. But it wasn't. All thanks to him. 

"Kaede?" Shuichi whispered 

Kaede slowly looked up. He placed a hand on her cheek.

"I promise that I will tell you everything. Let's have a serious talk okay?"

"Tonight." She stated firmly. 

"Tonight. Your place or my place?"

"Your place. I'll lie to my mom and say I'm sleeping over at Maki's house again. I mean, if you'll have me the whole night." Kaede's face grew red. 

"Okay. My uncle usually works until late at night, and usually ends up falling asleep in his office anyways. And you know that my aunt never cares when you sleep over, so we should be good."

Kaede nodded. They stood there awkwardly for a second before Kaede pulled Shuichi into a tight hug. She then gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"We should get to class now. I think the bell is about to ring." She said. Shuichi nodded and they exited the stairwell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was at least mildly entertaining. I just don't want the whole story to be depressing. Hope you enjoyed!


	7. Roof Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi and Shuichi talk.

"So, you really did show up." Kokichi was sitting on the ground in front of the railing. "I was starting to think that you didn't receive the psychic message I sent you in the cafeteria!"

Shuichi approached the boy cautiously.

"So, you did want me to come?" 

"They really should've tightened security up here after the little incident with you." Kokichi stated, avoiding the question.

Shuichi sat down next to him and looked at him curiously. Kokichi's eyes seemed distant. 

"It's a shame that my organization depends on me so much. I probably would've taken a swan dive off of this building forever ago if I wasn't so important."

Shuichi's eyes filled with concern. 

"Kokichi, it's really not healthy to have thoughts like that! You say you're fine but…happy people don't say things like that all the time." 

"Sheesh, I was lying Shuichi, why do you always have to ruin the fun with your serious talk." 

"I don't think that was a lie at all, Kokichi."

Kokichi huffed and crossed his arms. Shuichi took a moment to analyze the situation.

He's unusually quiet right now. It seems like he…wants something from me? But what exactly does he want me to do here? I'm trying to reach out to him but he's just completely brushing me off…

Kokichi looked at him with his signature evil expression.

"What if we made a pact?" 

A chill went down Shuichi's spine as he looked at Kokichi in complete shock.

"K-kokichi! What are you saying?"

"Nee-heehee, what, you've never heard of a suicide pact before Shuichi? It's whe-"

Shuichi interjected "I know what a suicide p-pact is Kokichi! Why the hell would you ask me to do something like that right after t-talking me down from suicide!?"

Shuichi continued to look horrified at Kokichi, who stared at him blankly for a moment before letting on a satisfied smile.

"Jeez, relax Shuichi. I was just testing you, and you passed! Congrats!"

Shuichi shakily readjusted his hat and let out a sigh of relief.

"Don't freak me out like that Kokichi! You take 5 years off my life every time you scare me like that."

Kokichi giggled mischievously.

"Sowwy Shuichi."

Once again they sat in silence. Shuichi carefully observed Kokichi's neutral expression, trying to figure him out. After a brief moment he reached over and placed his hand on Kokichi's. Kokichi jolted at the touch, and stared at his hand like it was some kind of alien device.

"Let's get out of here." Shuichi smiled at the supreme leader.

Kokichi regained his composure and pulled his hand away.

"Fine. I thought this would be more fun with you here, but sadly you didn't work hard enough to entertain me."

"Th-that's…okay then."

The two boys exited the roof in silence, and thankfully weren't seen by anyone in the hall. The school was eerily empty during club hours.

"Catch ya' later Shuichi!" Kokichi called out as he sauntered off. 

"Hey, wait!" Shuichi exclaimed, but that just made Kokichi quicken his pace.

Shuichi sighed to himself.

What am I supposed to do with you Kokichi?

Shuichi suddenly remembered that Kaito and Maki were waiting for him at the abandoned playground nearby. 

As he quickly exited the school and made his way to their secret spot, he couldn't take his mind off of Kokichi and their awkward talk on the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys need serious therapy.


	8. Training Time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi, Maki, and Kaito hang out and talk about stuff. Maki notices something sus about Shuichi...

"Come on Shuichi, those push-ups aren't gonna do themselves!" 

Kaito loomed over Shuichi and Maki (who had finished a long time ago), and shouted words of encouragement to the struggling Shuichi.

"Exercise is the best way to fight bad thoughts! So put everything you've got into it!"

Shuichi collapsed onto the ground with a groan. He only managed to do twenty-two out of a hundred push-ups.

"Uuuggghhh…sorry Kaito, I d-don't really have it in me today…" Shuichi said weakly.

Kaito sat down between Shuichi and Maki.

"Don't worry about it, partner. I'm surprised you did that many considering that you haven't eaten today. Do you want a granola bar or something? I have a bunch of food in my bag." 

Shuichi nodded silently. Kaito smiled and began sifting through his bag, eventually pulling out two granola bars, and handed one to Shuichi. He offered one to Maki but she just shook her head. Kaito shrugged and decided to eat it himself. 

Shuichi nibbled at the bar, but couldn't really bring himself to eat it.

Shouldn't I be starving right now? He thought to himself.

"Shuichi." Maki fixed her intense gaze on him. 

"Uh, yeah, what's up?"

"Why didn't you take off your uniform? You must be pretty hot in that."

Shuichi's eyes widened with panic, but he quickly recovered and did his best to appear calm.

"Oh um, I'm a-actually pretty c-cold."

"Then…why are you sweating?"

"Huh, I-I am? Probably just because I'm n-nervous."

"Why are you nervous buddy?" Kaito asked.

Shuichi desperately thought up an excuse. 

"Uh, because…my parents might come home?"

Maki and Kaito exchanged looks. 

"Do you want me to kill them for you?" Maki offered with a scary look on her face.

"...Please don't." 

Kaito laughed and patted Maki's back affectionately. She blushed.

"Easy girl." He looked back at Shuichi. "I know that you have a weird relationship with your parents, so it makes sense that you'd be nervous to see them. Did they tell you they're coming back?"

Shuichi covered his mouth with his hand. "Not necessarily. I just overheard my uncle and aunt arguing over whether they should call them or not. My uncle put his foot down and said they wouldn't tell them about what happened with me…but there’s a good chance that she’ll end up telling them anyways. I actually have no idea how they would react. Maybe they'll freak out and come home, but now that I think about it, they’ll probably just not care at all."

Shuichi sighed and stared dejectedly at a distant tree across from him.

Kaito and Maki looked at him sympathetically.

“Who needs them? You have us, and we care about what happens to you. Don’t you forget that.” Maki stated firmly.

“Yeah, exactly! Those guys suck, so don’t even bother thinking about them. They’re better off on their stupid trip, cuz’ even when they were home they weren’t there for you, and that really pisses me off! You're awesome, and you deserve love Shuichi!” Kaito grabbed Shuichi’s shoulders and shook him around as he yelled.

“Ack!” Shuichi cried out.

“Don’t break him Kaito.” Maki said with a light chuckle.

“Oh, sorry Shuichi! I got too pumped up again. But seriously, you deserve love, and I want to hear you say that!” Kaito said with a determined expression.

“Huh? Oh, um…I…” Shuichi trailed off.

“Come on, say it Shuichi, you got this!”

“I...d-deserve love.”

“Huh? I think you’re gonna have to say it a little louder than that!”

“I deserve love.” Shuichi said, his face tinged red.

“Louder!” Kaito yelled as he brought his fists together. 

“I deserve love!” Shuichi yelled with closed eyes, his blush deepening. 

“There we go! That’s what I like to hear.” Kaito slapped him on the shoulder, and Maki smiled widely at him.

Shuichi felt a surge of embarrassment, and pulled his hat lower over his face. The trio spent the rest of their training session sitting on the grass, talking about nothing and everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)


	9. Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi opens up to Kaede. Some Spicy stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Vague description of Self harm and some sexual content towards the end. I put *** where it starts, so once you get there you can go onto the next chapter if that stuff makes you uncomfortable! It sure makes me uncomfortable, but I found it necessary to put here.

Kaede stared into the bathroom mirror as she hastily brushed her hair. She was pretty nervous about this serious conversation she was going to have with Shuichi. They haven't fought once since they've started dating. Actually, she couldn't even remember a fight from before they started dating. So serious conversations weren't really a thing that they did.

Keep it together girl, everything is gonna be okay.

Ever since Shuichi's suicide attempt, Kaede's been experiencing some major anxiety. She was trying to keep it together for Shuichi's sake, but seeing how off Shuichi was at lunch made her panic. She knows that he's been going to therapy, but he doesn't seem to be much happier, and he's still keeping her in the dark.

It was about 4pm when she arrived at Shuichi's doorstep. Once she stepped up to the front door, she knocked loudly and nervously played with her hair as she waited to be let in. 

It's just Shuichi, there's no need to be so nervous. Why am I so nervous?

Kaede jolted as the front door opened. Shuichi was wearing a black hoodie and blue fleece pajama pants. Meanwhile Kaede was wearing her signature pink sweater and a short skirt. She probably should have remembered to bring pajamas to a sleepover.

"Oh, hey Shuichi!" Kaede smiled nervously.

"Oh, h-hey Kaede, sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Shuichi said with a guilty look.

"Ah, no, don't worry about it, I was just zoned out."

"Oh, okay. Well, c-come on in." Shuichi motioned her inside with a smile.

Kaede returned the smile and walked inside. She closed the door behind her, and when she turned around she was met with beautiful gray eyes. 

"I'm glad you came." Shuichi gave her a peck on the forehead and took her hand.

"Me too."

They both laughed awkwardly and headed towards Shuichi's room upstairs.

When the door swung open, Kaede observed that Shuichi's room was neat, as usual. That was a good sign. Depressed people usually had messy rooms. 

"So, what are we gonna do?" Asked Kaede.

Shuichi put his hand over his mouth and thought hard. Kaede always thought he looked adorable when he did that. 

"Hmmm…well we could play Mario Kart if you want. I know how obsessed you are with that game." He smiled teasingly at her.

"Hey, I'm not obsessed, I just…allow it to consume my entire being from time to time." 

They both giggled, and Shuichi set up the game as Kaede took a seat in the beanbag chair in front of his TV. Once the Switch was on, Shuichi sat down in the same beanbag, and handed her a controller.

Things were normal for a while, they played the game and bantered like they always did. But after an hour passed, they could both feel an awkward tension start to build up. They both knew that they needed to talk, but neither of them knew how to start the conversation. 

"Sooooo…" Kaede played with her hair and awkwardly stared at the floor.

"Soooo…" Shuichi replied, also staring at the ground. 

They both sat in silence for a moment.

"I guess I said we were gonna have a serious talk." Shuichi began. "I, um, just don't really know where to start." He wrung his hands anxiously. After some time, Shuichi looked over at the pianist, noticing her sad expression. She felt his eyes on her and met his gaze.

"...Why did you want to die? I know you said that you hate yourself but…why? And is that really the only reason?" 

Shuichi sighed.

"I just… I don't know. I guess I just feel like I'm never good enough, never strong enough to accomplish anything. And I'm a mediocre detective at best. I mean, the one case I'm f-famous for I solved by complete chance." Shuichi gripped at his pants as his insecurities spilled out. "I'm not a good boyfriend either. You do so much for me, a-and I do so little for you. Not even my own parents see any value in me. I'm w-worthless. Why should I even live if I'm just completely worthless." Shuichi's voice grew more and more unsteady as he went on, tears now spilling from his eyes.

"Hey, c'mere." Kaede whispered as she pulled Shuichi into a hug. 

Shuichi quietly wept into Kaede's shoulder as she stroked the back of his head. 

"I always knew that you were insecure…but I never realized it was this bad. I'm sorry Shuichi."

Kaede kissed him lightly on the neck. Shuichi sniffled and wrapped his arms around Kaede's waist. 

"I-I need to tell you s-something Kaede."

"What is it hon?"

Shuichi tightened his grip on Kaede and took a shaky breath.

"I-I've been… keeping something from you."

Kaede hummed in response. 

"Yeah, I figured. You've seemed like you've been hiding something from me. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything Shuichi. I mean it." 

Shuichi pulled away and wiped tears from his face.

"I started doing something u-unhealthy, to cope with my f-feelings." He swallowed nervously, his arms shaking. Kaede reached over and took his hand, giving him a reassuring smile. Shuichi took a deep breath and continued.

"A couple months ago, I had a bad day, and I just felt so t-tired and empty. I don't even really know why I did it. It was like somebody else was moving my body. I just walked over to my drawer, took out the scissors, and…" Shuichi awkwardly motioned to his right wrist. 

Kaede's eyes widened.

"Wait, so you mean you…?"

Shuichi nodded.

"It felt good. Like I was high or s-something. I know that must sound pretty screwed up, b-but it just felt really good to get that… release. To punish myself. So I kept doing it. It just became p-part of my routine. I come home from school, cut myself, then pass out for a few hours. Once I was hospitalized I couldn't do it anymore, so that kind of broke the cycle, but I've come pretty close to relapsing a couple of times since I've been back."

Shuichi stared at Kaede's hand, face red with shame. He continued to tremble as he waited for Kaede's response. For a moment she didn't say anything, and Shuichi was sure that she was going to freak out, but then he felt a hand cupping his cheek. When he looked up, he realized that Kaede was crying now too.

"I'm so sorry Shuichi. I can't believe that I didn't realize that you were going through this." 

"How were you supposed to know if I was hiding it from you?" Shuichi's voice wavered, and his head leaned into Kaede's touch. 

"I'm your girlfriend, I should have known. I should have seen the signs. I just should have known." Kaede's lower lip quivered.

Now it was Shuichi's turn to embrace Kaede. 

"No, no, don't be upset sweetheart. I-I'm so sorry, I never wanted to upset you. I thought you would get m-mad at me for doing something so stupid, so that's why I was scared to tell you."

Kaede now held both sides of Shuichi's face. 

"Why the heck would I get mad at you for that! You've been suffering all alone, and it must be so scary for you to deal with this! Depression and anxiety are very serious! While I admit that I don't fully understand what you're going through, I still want to do everything I can to help you. So please, just tell me what you need from me. Tell me how I can help you."

Kaede looked at Shuichi, her tearful eyes filled with determination. Shuichi felt a new surge of tears as he leaned in and kissed her. She made a surprised noise, and her hands slid down Shuichi's face to cup his jaw.

Their lips parted, and Shuichi took a moment to think before he spoke. "You already work so hard to encourage me Kaede. Every day you inspire me to be better, and remind me to take care of myself. If you really want to help me, all you have to do is listen, which is what you've already been doing. I'm the one who needs to open up, and know that I can talk to you."

Kaede sniffled. "Well, from now on you better call or text me whenever you feel bad, got it?." 

Shuichi gave her a tired smile. "From now on I will. I want to stay clean, and I want to work harder to be happy from now on."

Kaede smiled back, but the smile quickly dropped.

"Can I see?" She asked cautiously.

"H-huh? O-oh I mean um...sure?" Shuichi's face reddened and he shakily held out his arm. Kaede looked from him to his arm and back again, then finally took it into her hands. She grabbed the sleeve of his hoodie, and slowly pulled it up. She remained silent as her eyes scanned the now faded scars on his arm.

"Okay good, it looks like they've mostly healed by now. You have to be careful and make sure you don't get an infection. You always clean it right?"

"Uh, yeah, I d-do."

"Good." She thought for a moment. "So, hurting yourself…helps you feel better when you're upset?"

Shuichi played with the ends of his sleeves. "Yeah. Like I said before, it's like a r-release of sorts. When I'm angry, or sad, or nervous, and I don't know what to do about it, the pain is a way for me to express that. It's how I let those emotions out. The pain is finally outside, not inside. I'm not really sure if that makes sense or not. it's pretty w-weird and hard to explain."

Kaede nodded in understanding. "No, that actually does make sense. I mean, you started getting these urges for a reason, right? Your brain just wants to express the pain that you're going through, and it doesn't know how to do that in a healthy way."

Shuichi was surprised that she was so understanding of his weird habit. 

"Have you told your therapist about it yet?" Kaede asked.

"Not yet. The people at the hospital and my uncle saw my scars, but they all assumed that it was past suicide attempt. I d-didn't correct them." Shuichi sighed heavily. 

"You should tell her. Or him. I actually don't know anything about your therapy other than what day you go, now that I think about it."

"Oh, she's a woman. I've actually noticed that most therapists are women for some reason. Pretty much every therapist in the area was female. I mean, I suppose that girls are way more in touch with emotions and stuff than us guys."

Kaede giggled. "Yeah, and we're much smarter too. Although I guess you're pretty smart despite being a dumb boy."

They both laughed at that. Once their laughter died down, Kaede looked up at Shuichi shyly.

"May I… give your arm a smooch?" 

Shuichi blushed again. "Oh? Uh s-sure?"

Kaede brought his wrist to her face, and lightly pressed a kiss onto his wrist. Both of their faces were red as tomatoes after that. Kaede let Shuichi's sleeve fall back into place and snuggled up to him. 

"I'm glad that you finally told me about this Shuichi. It means a lot to me that you can trust me."

Shuichi sighed as he swung his arm around Kaede's waist.

"I'm glad that I told you too. I already feel a lot better already now that this isn't a secret." 

They cuddled in comfortable silence for a while. Shuichi chuckled when he noticed Kaede's droopy eyelids. 

"You sleepy?" He asked quietly.

"Mmmhmmm. We should sleep. I forgot to pack pajamas though." She mumbled.

"Oh, you can borrow some of my clothes. Um, only i-if you want to of course. I should have something that will fit you." 

Kaede blushed. "Oh, okay. I mean, if you don't mind."

Shuichi kissed her on the forehead and stood up, walking to his dresser. He pulled out a large white t-shirt with a black bear design on it, and some grey sweatpants. He tossed her the clothes and they landed on her face.

"Hey!" Kaede shot him a dirty look after she pulled the clothes off her head.

"Ah, s-sorry! I uh, thought you would catch it." He laughed awkwardly.

Kaede glared at him for a second, then burst into a fit of giggles. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't mess with you like that."

Shuichi sighed in relief. "Oh, thank god you were kidding. You looked like you were ready to kill me for a second."

Shuichi sat down on his bed and took out his phone as Kaede walked into his bathroom, (Kaede has always been jealous that Shuichi has a personal bathroom) and changed into the more comfortable clothes.

Before leaving the bathroom, Kaede took the opportunity to look in the mirror and process the emotional conversation she just had. Despite Shuichi's comfort, she still kind of blamed herself for not noticing how bad Shuichi's had gotten. He's had anxiety ever since he was little, and she was aware of that, but before his suicide attempt on the roof she never considered that he could be depressed. Now she realizes how much sense it makes. People with anxiety usually develop depression at some point in their lives. She knows this because she researched it online in order to understand him more, but she was in denial that Shuichi would ever go through that. That was stupid of her to not look out for the signs. She's going to have to do a lot more research when she gets home tomorrow.

"Okay, I can do this. I can be better." Kaede whispered to herself.

Kaede exited the bathroom holding her old clothes, and stuffed them inside her backpack on the floor before hopping into bed next to Shuichi. She noticed that the lights were all off, other than the bedside lamp. Shuichi was now lying down under the covers, typing on his phone.

"Do the clothes fit you alright?" He said as he placed his phone down on his nightstand. 

"Yep, they're really comfy too. Thanks a lot honey bun." 

Shuichi blushed upon hearing the cheesy nickname. He turned on his side and blushed even more when he felt Kaede snuggle up to him and wrap her arms around his waist.

"Oh, uh no p-problem. Should I turn the lamp off?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Shuichi reached over, trying not to disturb Kaede and turned the lamp off. Now he lay there in total darkness, being held by a cute girl. In his bed. 

He was going to have trouble sleeping tonight. 

***

This wasn't the first time they've fallen asleep together, but it is the first time they've done it on Shuichi's bed. Shuichi usually slept on the floor in a sleeping bag when Kaede stayed over. He didn't really think about it at first, but now he's realized how awkward this situation is. Little did he know, Kaede was thinking the same thing.

Kaede could definitely sense the awkward tension. Her cheeks grew hot as she nuzzled her head into Shuichi's back.

Okay, so I'm in bed, with my super cute boyfriend, and we're spooning. Nothing wrong here. Just two people sleeping together. Wait not like that! Actual sleeping! Poor choice of words. Oh god keep it together Kaede.

She felt his diaphragm rise and fall with each breath, and listened to the air as it escaped from his lips. His super soft sexy lips. 

Okay, she was going to listen to her teenage brain and try something. 

She readjusted her position and pressed a kiss into the back of Shuichi's neck.

He made a small surprised noise.

"Ah, sorry if I startled you." Kaede whispered apologetically. Her warm breath hit Shuichi's neck, and he shivered. 

"Don't worry about it." He responded softly. 

Kaede silently waited to make another move, their breathing the only sound in the house. After a couple of minutes of awkward tension, she slowly moved her arm down from Shuichi's waist, to under his shirt. He tensed up a little as she slowly rubbed circles on his stomach. 

"I-I um, wh-what are you doing Kaede?" Shuichi asked quietly.

"Am I making you uncomfortable? I can stop if you want." 

"Ah, uh n-no. That f-feels...nice." 

Kaede smirked. "Are you thinking lewd thoughts about me Shuichi?"

Shuichi's eyes widened and his body tensed.

"Wh-wha-? I, uh, no!" He squeaked. 

Kaede laughed. "I'm kidding Shuichi. Relax."

Kaede could feel Shuichi's body relax a little and he let out a small sigh. "Oh, of c-course you were."

"Or was I?" Shuichi could feel the heat radiating from Kaede's face on his neck.

"I think you’re the one thinking lewd thoughts Kaede." Shuichi took hold of Kaede's hand under the blanket, and slowly slid it down lower on his stomach, to the point where his pants slipped down a bit. Shuichi's face was burning hot now as well, and his hands shook.

"Uuuuhhhhhhh…" Kaede's brain turned off at that point.

"Oh um, that was too f-far wasn't it?"

"N-n no, this is okay." Kaede whispered. They lay like that for a moment, Kaede's thumb gently stroking his stomach. After working up the courage, she slid her hand underneath the waistband of Shuichi's pants and his body tensed up once again. "Is this…good?"

Now it was Shuichi's turn to have his brain shut down.

Oh shit okay this is happening it's happening what do I do what do I do whatdoIdoohmygod-

Shuichi's mind raced and he started to panic. He really wanted this, but also he was terrified.

"Y-yes."

Her hand slid completely under his pants, and she felt around a little. She caressed his thigh over his boxers, unknowingly running over scars. Shuichi's breath grew heavier as she touched. He was already too worked up and she hadn't even touched him yet. 

"Heh, I'm, uh, pretty nervous about this." Kaede began, her voice low. "I don't really know what I'm doing to be perfectly honest with you."

Shuichi turned over on his back, and Kaede sat up, pulling her hand out of his pants. She was blushing harder than Shuichi has ever seen her blush before. It was pretty cute. He reached up and played with her hair.

"It's okay, I know. Th-this is embarrassing, and awkward, but we're working through it together, r-right?" He smiled shyly at her. 

She returned the smile. "Yeah, you're right." She lay back down, her head resting on Shuichi's left arm. Shuichi placed his left hand on her waist.

"Do you still w-wanna do this?" Shuichi questioned.

"Yeah," She responded confidently, "Do you?"

"Y-yeah. Uh, m-maybe kissing will make this less awkward?"

"That's...a good idea." 

They looked into each other's eyes for a moment, faces flushed bright red. Kaede unsurprisingly made the first move, kissing him on the jaw. Shuichi fully turned over to face Kaede, his left arm still supporting her head, and his right hand now on her waist. He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. Kaede giggled nervously, which made Shuichi do the same. Shuichi then leaned in again and kissed her again, and Kaede returned it eagerly.

The house was dead silent other than the sounds of their kissing, and Shuichi was glad that his aunt and uncle weren't home. His uncle definitely fell asleep in his office again, but now that he thinks about it, his aunt definitely should have come home by now. She went to visit a friend apparently, so maybe she's just staying for the night. But why would she do that?

Man, my detective brain is really annoying. I'm sure she's fine.

He was taken out of his thoughts by the sensation of Kaede's hand slipping under his pants again. Shuichi made a muffled sound into Kaede's lips, and she started to pick up the pace of their kissing. Shuichi reached his right hand up to her face, and stroked her cheek with his thumb.

I'm gonna be okay. Just let her take control.

Her hand trailed down, until she was finally cupping the bulge in his boxers.

"Mmph!" Shuichi pulled back from Kaede's lips and his eyes widened with embarrassment at the sound he made.

"Ah, s-sorry, that j-just surprised me."

Kaede smiled at him lovingly.

"It's okay, just relax. I want to hear all of your cute noises." She whispered seductively.

Shuichi lightly gripped Kaede's hair, and let out quiet sighs as she started to slowly rub up and down. 

It felt nice for a while, but at the same time he could feel unease starting to build up in the pit of his stomach. He tried to ignore it and just focus on the sensation, but the feeling kept building up.

"You're so cute Shuichi." Kaede said breathlessly.

Shuichi's body stiffened. Kaede looked up at him and saw that he looked...scared. She quickly took her hand back.

"Shuichi? H-hey, are you okay?" She asked urgently.

"I-I um I d-don't know." He stammered.

"What happened, was it too much?"

"N-no, it was nice, I just...f-felt weird all of a sudden."

She gave him a concerned look. "Do you want to stop?" 

"...I, uh, yeah. I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." Shuichi whispered guiltily. Kaede could see that he was on the verge of tears.

"Hey, no, don't be sorry hon. You have a right to say no at any time." She kissed him softly. "It's okay to be nervous about this stuff, it's still new for the both of us. I'm glad that we could get this far." 

"Yeah." He smiled at her. 

His smile is beautiful. Kaede blushed at that thought. Well, if it was even possible for her to blush more than she already was.

Kaede smiled nervously. "I uh, actually had no idea how much guys…changed, when they got uh, excited. It's kinda cool actually." She laughed and swept some hair from Shuichi's face.

Shuichi looked away in embarrassment.

"Oh, y-yeah. It's weird." Now they were both laughing.

Shuichi looked back at Kaede and pressed a kiss onto her forehead. Her smile widened at the gesture. 

"Do you wanna spoon again?" She asked awkwardly. 

Shuichi stroked Kaede's hair. "That sounds nice. Uh, I should probably be the little spoon though." 

Kaede laughed again and Shuichi smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, sounds good."

Shuichi turned over, and Kaede slung her arm over Shuichi's waist.

"I love you, Shuichi." 

"I love you too, sweetheart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if this was bad. Sexy stuff isn't really my thing. If you skipped that part, basically Shuichi consents to Kaede touching him but then he panics in the middle of it and she stops because that's what good partners do!


	10. Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some cute stuff between Kaede and Shuichi. Also Natsuko is a cool aunt.

Kokichi: Heeeeeyyyyyy

Kokichi: Heyheyheyhey

Kokichi: :,(

Shuichi: Why do you always text me when I'm sleeping

Kokichi: Ur always sleeping u depressed emo

Shuichi: :/

Kokichi: :)

Shuichi: What do you want?

Kokichi: you ;)

Shuichi: If you wanna hang out you can just ask me.

Shuichi: I was actually just thinking yesterday that it's been awhile since we've hung out normally.

Kokichi: So our deep conversations about being depressed don't count as hanging out “normally”? Noted

Shuichi: Well I guess they do, I just feel like we should do something fun after all that serious stuff we talked about.

Shuichi: You’re my friend, and I don't want all the time I spend with you to be so depressing.

Kokichi: Awwww i’m ur friend? Ur making me blush Shuichi

Kokichi. But yeah ur right, serious talk is boring so let’s do something fun!!!

Kokichi: Ooooooo i have an ideaaaaaa

Shuichi: You wanna go somewhere?

Kokichi: Yup. Imma take u to a super special secret location!! It’s a place that only the highest ranking members of my organization know about!

Shuichi: Super secret location?? Should I be worried? Because I feel like you’re just gonna threaten to kill me again if I see this place.

Kokichi: What? Me? I’d never threaten to kill my beloved Shumai! I hate violence!

Shuichi: Are you planning on taking me to your base then?

Kokichi: Huh? My base????? Do you really think i got my title while doing stupid things like that? Why would an evil supreme leader ever take a nosy detective to his secret base

Shuichi: Well…where are you taking me then?

Kokichi: It's a surprise ;)

Kokichi: I’ll be at your place at 12 so you better be ready! Or else!

Shuichi: Hey wait what if i’m busy then??

Kokichi: God ur annoying, just be ready!!!!

Shuichi sighed heavily. Talking to Kokichi was exhausting. Shuichi thought back to what Kaito said to him in the cafeteria yesterday.

"Why do you even hang out with that guy Shuichi? He's just a load of trouble." 

Why did he hang out with Kokichi? At first he hung out with Kokichi out of genuine curiosity. Kokichi was the most complex person he’s ever met, and he wanted to figure him out. Now, after almost four years of spending time with him, he’s still barely gotten to know the real him. While he has become quite skilled at deciphering Kokichi’s lies over the years, he still feels like he’s missing an important piece of the puzzle. Like Kokichi’s organization. He knows now that they go by the name of DICE, but what do they even do? How large is this organization? What happened to Kokichi’s family? There are so many questions that Shuichi still can’t figure out the answer to. That’s all on Kokichi, but it’s still frustrating. He genuinely cares about the purple haired enigma, but Kokichi is still keeping him at a certain distance. Shuichi’s thoughts were interrupted by the creak of his door.

“Why are you still in bed you lazy bum?” Kaede said with a playful smile.

“Ah, sorry, I was texting Kokichi. He wants to come over at twelve. Did you find everything okay?”

“Yup, I set all the ingredients out on the counter. Come on, let’s make some pancakes!” Kaede said excitedly. Shuichi chuckled and pulled himself out of bed, temporarily forgetting about the Kokichi problem.

“So, is Kokichi like...different around you or something? He’s pretty weird, and on top of that he’s kind of rude to everyone. I’m not saying you can’t be friends with him, I’m just kind of confused on why you're even friends in the first place. You're a detective in training, and I mean, he's like a super villain or something."

Shuichi put his hand up to his chin. “I guess that he is different around me. He seems to be...fond of me for some reason. He always begs me to join his organization, and he definitely insults me a lot less than our classmates. But I don’t think that’s because he doesn’t like them, or you. He just seems to have trust issues. He doesn’t like getting too close to people. I just wish I knew why, so I could help him, you know.”

Kaede frowned. “Hm. He’s a confusing one. One moment he’s calling Miu a whore, and the next he’s crying over everyone not liking him. His compulsive lying doesn’t help his situation either. Interacting with him just makes my head hurt, I have no idea how you do it Shuichi. I commend your efforts on trying to be nice to him though. You’re just too sweet for your own good.”

Shuichi blushed and smiled shyly. “You’re talking as if I’m a saint or something.”

“I consider anyone who tolerates that boy to be a saint.”

They laughed in unison as they entered the kitchen, and Kaede tied her hair up as Shuichi washed his hands in the kitchen sink. 

The cooking went smoothly, and soon enough the two teens were devouring a stack of blueberry pancakes. 

Kaede beamed at Shuichi. “God, these are so good. Your aunt’s recipe is amazing.” She said with her mouth full of pancake.

Shuichi returned the smile. “I’m glad you like it. Oh, speaking of my aunt, I wonder why she’s not home yet.”

Kaede shoveled the last of her food into her mouth. “Doesn’t she work overnight sometimes at the hospital?”

“Yeah, but she didn’t have an overnight shift yesterday. She texted me that she would be visiting her friend actually.”

“Huh, that is weird.”

Shuichi chortled at Kaede’s muffled speech. “Careful, you’re gonna choke if you talk with your mouth that full.”

Kaede swallowed and smiled awkwardly. “Oh, yeah, my bad.”

The two teens stood up and brought their dishes and utensils to the sink, rinsing them off before placing them in the empty dishwasher. After Kaede put the maple syrup back in the fridge, she turned around and bumped into the young detective.

“Ah, sorry!” She cried out .

“Oh, no worries. At least I have you right where I want you to now.” 

Shuichi pulled Kaede into an embrace and gave her a kiss. Both of their cheeks became flushed, half out of love, half out of embarrassment. After their lips separated, Shuichi placed his forehead against Kaede's.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." Kaede whispered back as a smile creeped onto her lips. She reached up and twirled a strand of his dark hair with her finger. "How are you feeling today? Last night was an emotional rollercoaster." 

Shuichi kissed her again. "I feel great actually. Like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm glad that everything's out in the open now, you know?" 

Kaede's smile widened. "Yeah. Also I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night. You seemed pretty scared, and I guess I've been pushing the boundaries too much lately."

Her smile dropped, and Shuichi could see guilt in her eyes.

"Hey, there's no need to be sorry. I wanted it too, I honestly don't know why I got so freaked out…"

Kaede pulled him in closer, placing her chin on his shoulder. 

"Well, you've always been shy when it comes to physical intimacy. Some people just feel weird being touched, and that's okay. When you feel like you're one hundred percent ready to try something, just let me know and we can talk about it, okay?"

Shuichi gave the pianist a light squeeze. 

"Okay."

The front door opened, startling the two ultimates. They walked to the entryway of the kitchen and saw a very flustered Natsuko standing across from them.

"Good morning Shuichi! Oh, and good morning to miss Akamatsu as well. Sorry that I wasn't home last night, my friend insisted that I spend the night at her place since we talked until pretty late." Natsuko placed her purse on the coffee table. "I would have made breakfast for you if I had arrived earlier. Now, when did your lovely lady arrive here Shuichi." She flashed Shuichi a knowing look.

"Oh, sh-she just got here actually." Shuichi lied.

Kaede nervously played with her hair. "Uh, yeah, we just wanted to make pancakes together." 

Natsuko smiled playfully. "Mmmhmm…well I hope you two had fun ‘making pancakes’." She winked.

Shuichi turned bright red. "Aunt Natsuko!" 

Natsuko giggled as she walked to her room.

"I'll be reading in my room if you need me!" She called out.

"Okay!" Shuichi shouted back.

"Uh, I should probably go now." Kaede said disappointedly. "My mom is gonna be mad if I don't come home for lunch. You know how obsessed she is with cooking." 

"Oh, no worries. Kokichi is coming over anyways, and I don't think you want to be around for that." Shuichi said with a chuckle.

Kaede snorted in response. "Well, I feel kinda bad that he's a friend of yours and I haven't really gotten to know him. It's just hard because he doesn't get along with Maki or Kaito. Especially Kaito. I hate when those two fight."

Shuichi sighed. "Yeah, it's pretty annoying when they argue. They're just complete opposites, and it doesn't help that they're having some kind of weird contest over who gets to be my best friend."

Kaede giggled. "It's actually kind of cute how they fight over you."

Shuichi blushed slightly. "I guess you could say that."

"Well anyways, I'm gonna head out now. I'll text you later okay?"

"I'll be looking forward to it. Are you sure you don't want my aunt to take you home? I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

Kaede ran upstairs to grab her backpack as she shouted her response. 

"Oh no, I'll be fine, I like walking!"

She ran back down clutching her backpack. 

"I left the clothes I borrowed on your dresser in case you didn't see. Also, remember to text me if you need to talk about anything." 

Kaede and Shuichi approached the front door together, and Shuichi opened it for her. 

"I will." He smiled shyly, and they shared a quick kiss.

"Byeeee!" Kaede called out and waved as she walked down the stairs.

Shuichi waved back, and closed the door. Now he just had to wait for Kokichi to show up. What was he getting himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had a lot planned for this, and it was gonna be great, but to be honest I'm not sure if I'm gonna come back to it. I really do apologize, and I know people have gotten into this, but I have gotten REALLY sick of Danganronpa. Don't get me wrong, I loved the games when I first played them and I don't think DR is bad. It was an obsession for me ever since I first played v3, but now it seems I have finally gotten over it, right after I had finally worked up the courage to write my first fanfic. HOWEVER! I do plan on writing more stories! Like I said, I'm just burnt out from DR. I might come back to this some day, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. Sorry again, and I hope you'll check out some of my other stuff once I finish it. Stay safe everyone! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed. This is my first ever fanfic, so any and all criticism is welcomed and appreciated. Especially if anyone is out of character, please let me know! Also English isn't my first language, but I'm trying. I will be posting new chapters as much as I can even though I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.


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